


work with me

by flagpoles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: thank u for all the support on these!!!! now u can download them my apologies for the gc names!!!, theyre all here!!! except the instagram one which sucks and im refusing to acknowledge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 12:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flagpoles/pseuds/flagpoles
Summary: James PottertoLily Evans: nice tightsLily Evans: i think you mean nice legsJames Potter: that too





	1. that loves you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka original 
> 
> title: someone that loves you by HONNE
> 
> im jiilys on tumblr so let me know if u have prompts for these!!! theyre never not the most fun

_Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin:_ moons

 _Sirius Black:_ moon man

 _Sirius Black:_ my main moon man

 _Remus Lupin:_ I'm not letting you copy my English Lit essay.

 _Sirius Black:_ mean

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ peter

 _James Potter:_ pete this is an emergency

 _James Potter:_ PETER IM DYING

 _James Potter:_ alright im not really dying

 _James Potter:_ but im abt to be

 _James Potter:_ me and sirius both didn’t do the lit essay and we have minnie next and remus wont let us copy

 _James Potter:_ what im saying is can I borrow ur essay so I don’t die next period

 _James Potter:_ dude

 _James Potter:_ do u ever check ur messages

 _James Potter:_ the bell just went. make sure evans crys at my funeral

 

* * *

 

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _James Potter:_ sorry!!!!! i forgot the password to my phone again!!!!! i hope you didnt die!!!

 

* * *

 

 _Sirius Black_ to _Sirius ft. other people:_ we’re all going to marcie gotards tonight

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius ft other people:_ Stop changing the name of the group chat.

 _James Potter_ to _Sirius ft other people:_ what time

 _Sirius Black_ to _Sirius ft other people:_ she said nine so ten??????? We were making out so I couldnt really hear

 _Remus Lupin_ renamed the group _Other People ft. Sirius Black_

 _Sirius Black:_ fuck u lupin

 _Remus Lupin_ renamed the group _Other People ft. The Whore Sirius Black_

 _Sirius Black:_ ur disinvited to marcies tonight. I'm disinviting u.

 _Remus Lupin_ renamed the group _Other People ft The Whore Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Who Would Prefer Not To Go Tonight Anyway_

 _James Potter:_ christ

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _Remus Lupin:_ hey ive got an idea

 _James Potter:_ nvm I looked it up its a felony

 

* * *

 

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _Sirius Black:_ sirius give me back my pencil 

 _Sirius Black:_ I dont have it

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ i literally just saw u take it like two seconds ago

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ sirius

 _Sirius Black:_ im commandeering it in the name of the law

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ using it to do ur overdue legal studies hmw does not make it ‘commandeered in the name of the law’

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ sirius

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ siriusly

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ hahahaha im hilarious 

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ but for real give it back

 

* * *

 

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ Pete you told me to text you when I got up to run so you could come, so this is me doing it

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ ajdhfoahfh

 _Remus Lupin:_ I take it you won't be coming this morning then

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ aoifajoahgjviuahjadjfha sdhgashgajsfhgf

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _MarauDUHS:_ i cant come guys sorry

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ what why

 _Sirius Black:_ hes ditching us to ogle evans

 _James Potter:_ we’re just going to the library to work on a paper

 _Sirius Black:_ let me rephrase

 _Sirius Black:_ hes ditching us to ogle evans in the library

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _Sirius Black:_ coast clear

 _Sirius Black:_ the meatball is in the spaghetti

 _James Potter:_ i told u not to use that

 _Sirius Black:_ i think its cool

 _James Potter:_ its not

 _Sirius Black:_ just do ur half

 _Sirius Black:_ and it is cool

 

* * *

 

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ it’s not.

* * *

 

 _Sirius Black_ to _James Potter:_ how often do u text lupin abt me 

 _James Potter:_ im going to shove the meatball up ur ass

 _Sirius Black:_ it was an expression. A metaphorical meatball.

 _James Potter:_ dont u ever text me ‘a metaphorical meatball’ ever again

* * *

 

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _shitty version of the spice girls:_ where is everyone??????

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ hello????  
_Peter Pettigrew:_ u can't all be away

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ im sitting alone at the lunch table like a loser!!!!

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ im going to kill u all

* * *

 

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ sorry Pete I was sick! I have no idea where everyone else was.

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ shit I forgot to tell u I had detention for the whole ‘colouring in every school whiteboard with sharpie’ thing sorry man

 

* * *

 

 _Sirius Black_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ i just didn’t wanna come to school

 

* * *

 

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ I just saw Lily write her number on James’s arm

 _Sirius Black:_ WHAT

 _Sirius Black:_ WHEN

 _Sirius Black:_ ON PURPOSE??????????

 _Remus Lupin:_ apparently it was for their history project but she was laughing at one of his lame puns at the time so clearly it was more than just school

 _Sirius Black:_ oH My gOD

 _Remus Lupin:_ are you doing the random capitalisation because it annoys me or because you’re genuinely excited

 _Sirius Black:_ a liTtLe Of bOtH

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter:_ to _good hair and shitty personalities:_ me and remus are in the lobby hurry up peter

 _James Potter:_ and sirus

 _Sirius Black:_ i can't believe I was the afterthought

 _Sirius Black:_ you even spelt my name wrong

 _James Potter:_ hurry the fuck up

 _Sirius Black:_ i never get appreciated

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _Remus Lupin:_ LILY IS SITTING NEXT TO ME IN ASSEMBLY

 _James Potter:_ SHE JUST CAME IN AND SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME

 _James Potter:_ REMUS

 _James Potter:_ I CAN SEE UR PHONE BUZZING IN UR POCKET I KNOW UR GETTING THESE

 _James Potter:_ THIS SI THE GREATEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND UR JUST SITTING THERE LISTENING TO BINNS AND IGNORING ME

 _James Potter:_ UNBELIEVABLE

 

* * *

 

 _Sirius Black_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ Pete I just saw a dog

* * *

 

 _Remus Lupin_ to _james can do better handstands than sirius this is a true fact and has been proven:_ i have booze. Anyone who wants in I'm at my house.

 _James Potter:_ you alright?

 _Remus Lupin:_ fine. You coming?

 _James Potter:_ in the car now

 _Sirius Black:_ come pick me up

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ me to

* * *

 

 _James Potter:_ Pete u have a shit taste in music

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ if u stopped hacking into my Spotify u wouldn’t have to see it

 _James Potter:_ ……………………………………….. but then I would have to………… spend money……… on my own account…………….

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ yes

 _James Potter:_ don’t be ridiculous

 

* * *

 

 _Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin:_ I JUST SAW PRONGS AND EVANS IN HIS CAR

 _Remus Lupin:_ WHAT

 _Sirius Black:_ HOLD ON IM GOING TO GET CLOSER

 _Remus Lupin:_ MAKE SURE THEY DON’T SEE YOU

 _Sirius Black:_ moony i am a master of disguise u were there when I won best dressed spy at the library bookworm competition ofc I wont get caught

 _Remus Lupin:_ you were literally seven then

 _Remus Lupin:_ and dressing like a spy doesn’t mean you have spy like capabilities

 _Remus Lupin:_ and you were seven

 _Remus Lupin:_ Sirius?

 _Sirius Black:_ im a noisy dickbrain who can't mind my own business

 _Remus Lupin:_ Sirius????

 _Sirius Black:_ i also have a tiny wanger

 _Sirius Black:_ that was evans she took my phone

 _Remus Lupin:_ they caught you.

 _Sirius Black:_ maybe

 

* * *

 

 _Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin:_ I just want to say that i don’t

 _Sirius Black:_ have a tiny wanger I mean

 _Remus Lupin:_ Sirius I cannot even express how little I care about this

 

* * *

 

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _a very dangerous gang:_ whos keen to skip calc

 _Sirius Black:_ I mean i always am but why

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ didn’t study for the quiz

 _James Potter:_ thats today????????????????????

 _James Potter:_ im coming to

 

* * *

 

 _Remus Lupin_ to _James Potter:_ did you see him today????

 _James Potter:_ no. ive called and he isnt picking up

 _James Potter:_ im going to go look for him

 _Remus Lupin:_ wait for me by the library gate

 

* * *

 

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _Sirius Black:_ where are you????????????????????

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ everyones looking

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _Sirius Black:_ mate where are you

 _James Potter:_ sirius

 _Sirius Black:_ roof fo wtaertower

 _James Potter:_ dont move

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _Remus Lupin_ and _Peter Pettigrew:_ found him

 _Remus Lupin:_ thank god

 _James Potter:_ hes on the watertower roof and he sounds plastered

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ just heard from elliot harris that he saw his mum outside the supermarket and she spat at him

 _James Potter:_ jesus

 _James Potter:_ I'm halfway to him

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _A Collection of Morons who are Constantly Late:_ I lvoe lilly

 _James Potter:_ a lot ilke a lot a lot all the t,ime

 _James Potter:_ sdhes so prretyy I don’y kno what ot do abt it

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ how drunk are you??????

 

* * *

 

 _Sirius Black_ renamed the group _moony accidentally got to second base with angela Kelly in english_

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ ahahhahahahaha

 _Remus Lupin:_ I TRIPPED

 _Remus Lupin:_ I DIDN’T MEAN TO

 _Remus Lupin_ renamed the group _I hate Sirius Black_

 _Sirius Black_ renamed the group _moony accidentally got to second base with angela Kelly in English get rekt lupin every time u change it i’ll change it back_

 

* * *

 

 _James Potter_ to _Remus Lupin:_ YOU'RE GETTING A FUCKIN AWARD FOR SCHOLARS OR SMTH HOLY SHIT

 _James Potter:_ HAVE YOU SEEN THE NOTICE

 _James Potter:_ ITS OUTSIDE A BLOCK

 _James Potter:_ CONGRATS MAN

* * *

 

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _Remus Lupin:_ GOOD FOR YOU MOONY

 _Peter Pettigrew:_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ the guys are probs gunna make u dress up to accept it

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ like that time i got a participation in chess and they made me go up in my dressing gown

 

* * *

 

 _Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin:_ ur so nerdy

 _Sirius Black:_ nice one tho

 _Sirius Black:_ u should go on stage in a lobster costume

 _Sirius Black:_ i know a guy

* * *

 

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _NO MORE SCHOOL MOTHERFUCKERS:_ shit that chem paper was hard

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ heard anything?

 _James Potter:_ my mums hairdressers having a baby

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ fucks sake i meant abt exams

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ but tell her I said congrats

 

* * *

 

 _Remus Lupin_ to _assholes anonymous:_ I’ll leave this chat if you keep talking about memes, Sirius 

 _Sirius Black:_ dont be a hater

 _Sirius Black:_ or should I say

 _Sirius Black:_ a memater

 _Remus Lupin_ has left the chat.

 

* * *

 

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _I will leave again if you start referring to memes as ‘your only reason for living’ sirius I swear:_ I JUST SAW PRONGS AND LILY MAKING OUT IN THE BOYS LOCKEROOM

 _Sirius Black:_ WHAT

 _Sirius Black:_ IM RUNNING OVER

 _Remus Lupin:_ take a photo I'm on the other side of the school

 _Sirius Black:_ RUN LUPIN THIS IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING

 _Remus Lupin:_ everything is history in the making. It’s the definition of history.

 _Sirius Black:_ JUST HURRY UP STOP BEING LAME


	2. this one made a pig of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka lily joins the chat
> 
> title: ava by FAMY

_James Potter_ added _Lily Evans_ to _badass bitches bitchin’_

_James Potter:_ lil ur now in the group chat u hav to talk to me again

_James Potter:_ im still not taking back what i said

_Lily Evans_ left _badass bitches bitchin’_

_Sirius Black:_ rude

_James Potter_ added _Lily Evans_ to _badass bitches bitchin’_

_Lily Evans:_ james i told you, either take it back or we’re breaking up

_Lily Evans_ left _badass bitches bitchin’_

_Peter Pettigrew:_ what did u do prongs????????????

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ srsly

_James Potter:_ the guys think i killed ur mother or smth

_James Potter:_ lil

_James Potter:_ christ

_James Potter:_ I take it back

_James Potter:_ Rhianna is the best artist of our generation

_Lily Evans:_ im glad u have seen the light

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ renamed the group _dickbrains + girl extraordinaire_

_Sirius Black:_ u have been in the chat for a week u cant rename it

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group _core four + girl asshat_

_Lily Evans_ renamed the group _craparses + girl beauty_

_Sirius Black:_ bitch

_Lily Evans_ renamed the group _shitweeds + girl who has the best hair in the chat_

_Sirius Black:_ too far. blocked.

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ do remus and sirius usually fight abt sirius’s grammar at four in the morning

_James Potter:_ almost always

 

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _four dicks one chick:_ i want to add jack mulder to the chat

_Sirius Black:_ i think we might be able to convince him that we use it to plan foursomes and it would 100% weird him out

_Sirius Black:_ *fivesomes sorry evans

_Lily Evans:_ ur forgiven

_Peter Pettigrew:_ sirius we’re not allowed

_Sirius Black:_ moony was kidding abt that

_James Potter:_ he was not we literally almost went to jail

_Lily Evans:_ what happened???????

_Lily Evans:_ potter text me

 

* * *

 

_James Potter:_ basically sirius would add random people from school to the chat and then start talking abt how much he loved dead bodies and then someone reported us to the police and we almost were arrested for conspiracy to commit murder

_James Potter:_ sirius also tried to bribe the officer with a paperclip and ‘an hour in the nearest broom closet with his ravishing body’

_James Potter:_ so moony made up the rule that we werent allowed to add other people to the chat anymore

_Lily Evans:_ amazing

_Lily Evans:_ what i wouldn’t give for an hour with sirius and his ravishing body

_James Potter:_ tbh same

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _we solemnly swear to block sirius from the chat if he keeps spamming:_ Lily, your first detention. We have corrupted you.

_Lily Evans:_ I've had a detention before

_Sirius Black:_ I cant believe we added a detention virgin into the chat

_Lily Evans:_ ive been in detention before u shitdicks

_Remus Lupin:_ I am no longer the biggest goody-two-shoes in the chat… because we now have… Lily… the Detention Virgin

_Lily Evans:_ fuck off

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group _cool people and a detention virgin_

_Lily Evans:_ im abt to lose my prison virginity

_Lily Evans:_ because I'm going to kill you both

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _four guys and a girl and a lot of puns:_ lil its ur two month anniversary of being in the chat

_James Potter:_ what do you want to do to celebrate

_Lily Evans:_ leave it

_Peter Pettigrew:_ mean

_Lily Evans:_ seriously i cant take any more late night debates about politics or memes my phone keeps buzzing  all the time and its literally just remus telling sirius how to spell duvet

_Sirius Black:_ its actually duvvet

_Remus Lupin:_ it’s fucking not, we discussed this yesterday.

_Sirius Black:_ *duvvvet

_Remus Lupin:_ I'm leaving with you Lily

 


	3. been such a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka i wrote this bc andy asked me too i love u dream girl 
> 
> title: wildest ones by eves karydas

_Sirius Black_ to _James Potter:_ u know what u said abt me in today class isnt even true

_Sirius Black:_ i am not impulsive or always up for violence. i haven’t punched anyone in 4 months

_James Potter:_ what abt at the grocery store

_Sirius Black:_ alright 2 months

_James Potter:_ i meant last week with the sour cream

_Sirius Black:_ ok so 4 days

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _gr-OPPS chat:_ I do not want anything for my birthday, if you get me something, I will throw it in the garbage. I repeat: I DO NOT NEED YOU TO BUY ME ANYTHING.

_Peter Pettigrew:_ ……………….what if I already did

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ I would leave you for sirius in a heartbeat

_Lily Evans:_ literally any sign of interest from him and I'm gone

_Lily Evans:_ he also has better hair than you and an eighteen-pack

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Sirius Black:_ lily told me she lost her phone yesterday. should I tell her its you who has it.

_Sirius Black:_ pls no prongs I’ll do anything don’t tell evans she will murder me and probs get away with it

_James Potter:_ tru

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _meet at nine outside elliots gate so we can walk in together and look cool:_ have fun tonight guys sorry I couldn’t come

_Peter Pettigrew:_ don’t do anything stupid

_Sirius Black:_ if we didnt do anything stupid we would never do anything

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _James Potter:_ the answer is 1917

_Remus Lupin:_ can you say it though I think the class is starting to think I'm a know-it-all 

_James Potter:_ starting?

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _hellhole:_ I thought I would send this lovely shot from last night

_Lily Evans:_ sent a photo

_James Potter:_ christ

_Peter Pettigrew:_ I fucking drank out of that punch bowl

_Sirius Black:_ I really had to go guys okay

_Sirius Black:_ for what its worth I regret it

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Remus Lupin:_ lily fucking took my pencil case and won't give it back

_Remus Lupin:_ you did tell her she was constantly unprepared for classes

_James Potter:_ SHE STOLE FROM ME MOONY

_James Potter:_ i hate her

_Remus Lupin:_ you love her

_James Potter:_ damnit ur right

 

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _hella hot hella disappointed with our choices:_ I would be willing to bet james’s ass that minnie is gunna do a pop quiz today

_Sirius Black:_ I would bet moonys ass

_Sirius Black:_ lilys ass

_Sirius Black:_ my own ass

_Peter Pettigrew:_ what abt my ass

_Sirius Black:_ ur ass means to much to me pete I could never bet it away 

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ don’t forget the grammar and punctuation test tomorrow

_Remus Lupin:_ you actually have to go this time

_Sirius Black:_ test,,,,,,????? On grammar…&&&& and punctuation()()()()()(}{+?>>!??

_Sirius Black:_ ***^^^w.h.a.t!!!!!!!$$$$$$$$$$

_Remus Lupin:_ I loathe you

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ i can't believe u sat at dinner and listened to my dad talk abt hair gel for an hour

_Lily Evans:_ ur dad is adorable

_Lily Evans:_ I'm only dating u so i can see ur dad 

_Lily Evans:_ NOT SEXUALLY

  __

* * *

 

_James Potter_ renamed the group _lily has the hots for my dad_

_Lily Evans:_ im fucking breaking up with u

_James Potter_ renamed the group _lily has now made herself available to hook up with my dad_  

 


	4. leave the bottle by the door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka the sappy one
> 
> title: us by anna of the north (the acoustic is best)

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ wanna come over

_Lily Evans:_ have you bought milk yet

_James Potter:_ wanna come over in ten minutes

_Lily Evans:_ why ten minutes

_James Potter:_ i have to do an unrelated errand

 

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _James Potter:_ i can't believe u bought fucking milk for evans

_Sirius Black:_ you refused to buy me maccas yesterday bc u were ‘poor’ and here u r buying 4£ milk for a GIRL

_Sirius Black:_ YESTERDAY IN CLASS I HAD TO LEND U PAPER AND PENS BC U SAID U WERE SO POOR THAT U COULDN’T BUY THEM AND NOW THIS BE T R AY AL

_Sirius Black:_ I KNOW YOURE SEEING THESE

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ why is sirius telling me that im the reason u never shout him shit anymore

_James Potter:_ bc hes a fucking twit

_Lily Evans:_ i shouldve guessed

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _STUDENT LOANS MORE LIKE STUDENT GROANS:_ guys there is a small hole in the roof from last night? Does anyone know who is was??

_Lily Evans:_ potter

_James Potter:_ nark

_James Potter:_ its ur damn fault anyway if u hadnt gotten on my shoulders

_Lily Evans:_ u were the one that gave me the BROOM

_James Potter:_ I SAW A SPIDER ALRIGHT LAY OFF EVANS

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _Lily Evans:_ Lily can I borrow ur notes on the effect of pressure on the brain??? I have attest tmrw

_Lily Evans: …_ pete im a pre med major I don’t have notes on that

_Peter Pettigrew:_  oh okay

_Peter Pettigrew:_ unrelated question: do u know any good wikipedia articles abt the effect of pressure on the brain??????

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ i can't be a doctor im stupid and strange and i never know anything I need to i cant be a doctor

_James Potter:_ yes you can

_Lily Evans:_ your lying

_James Potter:_ i don’t lie

_Lily Evans:_ you lie all the time

_James Potter:_ not to you

_James Potter:_ never to you 

 

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ created the group _james wants to bang evans_

_Sirius Black_ added _Remus Lupin_ , _Peter Pettigrew_ and _James Potter_

_James Potter:_ fuck off sirius

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group _james wants to bang evans x100_

_James Potter_ left the group

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ u left ur scarf at mine

_Lily Evans:_ its super warm

_Lily Evans:_ damn this is nice where did u get it

_Lily Evans:_ omg I just put it on my neighbours cat she looks cute af

_Lily Evans:_ sent a photo

_Lily Evans:_ oh no

_Lily Evans: …….._ ok don’t be mad

_Lily Evans:_ but the neighbours caught me and took their cat back still wearing ur scarf

_Lily Evans:_ what im saying is u will never see ur scarf again

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _peter owes me ten pounds:_ Sirius stop using the group chat names for your own personal needs

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group _peter owes me ten pounds and lupin can suck my ass_

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Remus Lupin:_ oh god

_Remus Lupin:_ what

_James Potter:_ lily

_Remus Lupin:_ what abt her

_James Potter:_ she made a pun and i wanted to kiss her so bad i literally felt like dying oh god this is super bad moony fuck whats wrong with me

_Remus Lupin:_ you like her

_James Potter:_ fuck off

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _Sirius Black:_ tell potter hes a fuck for spilling tea on my bed

_Lily Evans:_ also i have beer for tonight

_Sirius Black:_ what was james doing on ur bed

_Sirius Black:_ huh evans

_Sirius Black:_ james potter… on lily evanses actual bed… doing… something involving tea

_Sirius Black:_ is ur kink tea evans

_Lily Evans:_ I'm uninviting u tonite. do not come anywhere near my flat ever again

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _James Potter:_ stop staring at her

_James Potter:_ I cant help it

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ u and lupin need to get ur asses to mine

_Peter Pettigrew:_ dont tell my ass what to do

_Sirius Black:_ I'm gunna kick ur ass

_Peter Pettigrew:_ my ass is not afraid

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ peter says to tell you that ‘his ass is ready to fight’

_Remus Lupin:_ why am I friends with you lot

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _pussycat dolls only we are all nicole scherzinger:_ liyl call me

_Lily Evans:_ james?

_Lily Evans:_ are you drunk??

_James Potter:_ u lookde sup er prtty tonihgt

_James Potter:_ the preitttest

_James Potter:_ whrer am i

_Lily Evans:_ stay still im going to come and get you

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ They’re fucking in love and not together how is this possible

_Sirius Black:_ wow u didn’t use a single comma in that sentence u must be riled up

_Remus Lupin:_ don’t pretend like you know what a comma is

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ your late

_Lily Evans:_ traffic

_James Potter:_ i can see u

_James Potter:_ fucking ‘traffic’ your literally outside patting a DOG 

_Lily Evans:_ leave me alone hes so soft

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _we need witter group chat names:_ i can't believe u lot got me kicked out of class

_Sirius Black:_ excuse u we did nothing

_James Potter:_ peter r u saying u would prefer we didnt sing happy birthday to u and then give u a cake in the middle of a lecture????????

_Remus Lupin:_ Is that what you're saying Pete?

_Peter Pettigrew:_ I hate u all

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _Sirius Black:_ if i liked james whould that be a bad thing

_Sirius Black:_ are you kidding me

_Lily Evans:_ sirius i mean it

_Sirius Black:_ evans hes been buying 4£ milk all year just so youll come over

_Sirius Black:_ christ lil everytime your around he cant stop himself from staring

_Lily Evans:_ oh

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ the next time I see you im going to kiss you

_Lily Evans:_ this is ur warning

_James Potter:_ what

_James Potter:_ are you kidding

_Lily Evans:_ nope

_James Potter:_ where are you right now

_Lily Evans:_ my house

_Lily Evans:_ why

_James Potter:_ bc in running to ur fucking house thats why

_Lily Evans:_ i was hoping youd say that

 

 


	5. and shut me up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka band au 
> 
> title: talk too much by COIN

_Lily Evans_ to _Sirius Black:_ THE FUCK ARE YOU

_Lily Evans:_ WE’RE ON IN TWO

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ is it necessary for you to be late to every gig

_Remus Lupin:_  Lily is fully ready to kick you out

_Sirius Black:_ oh pls

_Sirius Black:_ im the fucking backbone of this band

_Remus Lupin:_ you're the appendix of this band

_Remus Lupin:_ unnecessary and painful to deal with

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _James Potter:_ stop ogling ur gf in the middle of songs it makes us look unprofessional

_James Potter:_ we r unprofessional peter is using a breadstick to drum in rehearsal

_James Potter:_ also I don’t ogle

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ i know u have my fuckin amp

_Lily Evans:_ why would I take your amp loser

_Lily Evans:_ its fuckin huge where would i put it

_James Potter:_ OH MY GDO SOMENOES STOLEN YM AMP

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _Lily Evans:_ lily hes making lost posters with photos from that gig last year in minnies bar

_Lily Evans:_ i hope hes zooming in on the amp otherwise it’ll look like all five of us are missing

_Peter Pettigrew:_ maybe u should give it back

_Lily Evans:_ nah i think i can push a few more days

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _I wish mariah carey was here:_  we need water for tonight

_James Potter:_ why

_Sirius Black:_ I want to empty a bottle over my head it looks punk rock on stage

_James Potter:_ fuck same lets do that

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ i can't write the fucking bridge

_James Potter:_ come over

_Lily Evans:_ its four in the morning

_Lily Evans:_ i mean im calling a uber rn but its still four in the morning

_James Potter:_ ur the best

_Lily Evans:_ i am aware

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _fam:_ WE R ON THE FUCKIN ALTURNATIVE SPOTIFY CHARTS

_Peter Pettigrew:_ NUMBER FORTY

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group _we r now bestselling artists_

_Remus Lupin:_ i mean, we’re not

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group _we r all bestselling artists except lupin_

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _Sirius Black:_ WOULD IT FYCKING KILL YOU TO BE ON TMIE

_Sirius Black:_ there is no need to yell

_Lily Evans:_ FUCKING DEATH AWAITS U SIRIUS

_Sirius Black:_ good god

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _lily owes all of us 20 pounds:_ i think we should get a manager

_Peter Pettigrew:_ why

_Remus Lupin:_ because i don’t think booking gigs and writing the times on a napkin is really working

_James Potter:_ r u saying u dont like the booking napkin

_Remus Lupin:_ unbelievably, i am saying that

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ fcuk im os du rnk

_James Potter:_ where are you???

_James Potter:_ im coming to get u are u with sirius rn

_Lily Evans:_ hjsdhfoiaughf

_James Potter:_ tell me where u are or call me i have no minutes

_James Potter:_ lil

_Lily Evans:_ I lvoe oyu

_Lily Evans:_ its olny you alwa ys

_Lily Evans:_ jsut you

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _dont wear jeans sirius:_ right is everyone ready

_Peter Pettigrew:_ I hate award shows

_Remus Lupin:_ you’ve literally never been to one

_Peter Pettigrew:_ i know but it feels like smth i will hate

_Sirius Black:_ i feel like the group name is aimed at me

_Sirius Black:_ its hurtful

_Lily Evans:_ i can't believe i go anywhere with u lot

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ we’re not putting a song on the album about bees

_Sirius Black:_ but they need us

_Sirius Black:_ theyre dying out

_Sirius Black:_ remus

_Sirius Black:_ hello

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _lupin is a bee hater:_ i want the sound to be more like upbeat

_James Potter:_ but also like we’re all depressed and hate ourselves

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _Sirius Black:_ booked the flights

_Sirius Black:_ did u pay for food

_Lily Evans:_ obvs not we’re on a budget

_Sirius Black:_ fine

_Sirius Black:_ its ur fault when i get put in jail for hiding a steak in my pocket

_Lily Evans:_ an entire fucking steak

_Lily Evans:_ seriously

_Sirius Black:_ i have needs

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ oh my god ur passport holder is lame

_James Potter:_ i think it adds character

_James Potter:_ i think it adds a layer of loneliness

_Lily Evans:_ the dog looks cute alright

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _tour tour tour:_ who is using my toothbrush

_Peter Pettigrew:_ do u even need to ask

_Remus Lupin:_ sirius black youre the worst person who has ever lived

_Sirius Black:_ the bees told me to do it

_Sirius Black:_ they might be nicer if u didnt hate them

_Sirius Black:_ BEE NICER

_Sirius Black:_ HAHAHAHAHAHAH

_Remus Lupin_ has left the chat

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ ok so i just got home and someone stole all my mail bc I have none

_Lily Evans:_ oh wait i asked my neighbours to collect it

_James Potter:_ why are we together

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _FUCKING #7 DEBUT ALBUM:_ CAN U BELIEVE THIS

_Sirius Black:_ GOD HAS TRULY DONE US A SOLID

_Remus Lupin:_ and its not like we even deserved it

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ hey lil

_James Potter:_ do u wanna move in with me

_James Potter:_ is that the kind of thing u would want

_James Potter:_ if u don’t its chill

_James Potter:_ i mean its not but like i would be ok

_James Potter:_ don’t wanna force u or anything but if u want

_Lily Evans:_ i do want

_James Potter:_ wait

_Lily Evans:_ well yeah i mean ur fuckin lame and dont eat rice crackers but u have good music taste so its ok

 

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _James Potter:_ bein honest mate i thought she’d say no

_James Potter:_ so did i

_James Potter:_ literally cannot believe she loves me

_Sirius Black:_ lily is to cool for u man she plays the guitar and can do the hair flip on stage without lookin like shit after

_James Potter:_ hey I can hair flip

_Sirius Black:_ yeah but u look like shit after

_James Potter:_ wow

_James Potter:_ dont hold back or anything


	6. can i be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka tutor au 
> 
> title: there aint a song im afraid its just a phrase

_James Potter_ to _Sirius Black:_ lowkey failing english

_James Potter:_ and by low key i mean absolutely fucking bombing 

_Sirius Black:_ drop out

_James Potter:_ that’s ur answer for everything

_James Potter:_ u said that the time they ran out of pizza in the caf

_Sirius Black:_ i meant it then and i mean it now

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _three decent people and sirius:_ how’d the tutoring go

_James Potter:_ we got distracted

_Remus Lupin:_ fucking told u they were amphibians

_James Potter:_ i already gave u the fiver shut up

_Remus Lupin_ renamed the group _Remus Lupin: Frog Master_

_James Potter:_ its to easy if u drag urself

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ why have u called me 18 times

_Sirius Black:_ there was a slight fire

_Remus Lupin:_ fuck where????????????

_Sirius Black:_ nowhere important no one even plays lacrosse

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ went to the tutoring office like u said and now have the prettiest girl in the universe teaching me shakespeare

_Peter Pettigrew:_ ur tutor is not meg ryan

_James Potter:_ what?????? its lily evans from trig why would it be meg ryan

_Peter Pettigrew:_ shes the prettiest girl in the universe

_James Potter:_ i

_James Potter:_ where do i even begin

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _live laugh suffer:_ ready??

_Remus Lupin:_ sirius if u say u were born ready im not doing this prank

_Sirius Black:_ i was conceived ready

_Remus Lupin:_ i should be mad but im just proud u spelt conceived right

 

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _Remus Lupin:_ shes so smart and funny and pretty and literally loves shakespere so much shes so lame her whole face lights up when she talks abt him its the best

_Remus Lupin:_ its 4 in the morning

_James Potter:_ she does this thing where she explains everything and it makes sense like !!!! how

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _why didnt the lizzie mcguire movie win an oscar:_ we’re watching the bee movie in bio rn

_Sirius Black:_ i kno

_Peter Pettigrew:_???? u dont take bio

_Sirius Black:_ im in the window chem got boring

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _sirius do ur stats hmw_ : saw this great documentary last night

_James Potter:_ seen

_Peter Pettigrew:_ u don’t just say ‘seen’ when u want to seen someone u just seen them

_James Potter:_ ohhh thats why lily laughed at me

 

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin:_ hes been talkin abt lilys knees for 20 minutes im going to slam my head in a window

_Sirius Black:_ hes moved onto her laugh

_Sirius Black:_ shit hes lame

_Sirius Black:_ he likes her so much poor bastard

_Sirius Black:_ hes talkin abt how nice her room is could u mercy kill me

_Sirius Black:_ wat would it be like if u were like a decent person……… and like……. responded

_Remus Lupin:_ I imagine it would be like this.

_Sirius Black:_ asswipe

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _james blunt fan club_ : I fucking hate all of u so fucking much why would u DO THIS

_James Potter:_ i take it u got out package

_Peter Pettigrew:_ IM FUCKING ALLERGIC TO ORANGES

_Remus Lupin:_ yes thats why we sent u 178 of them. one for each time u mention ur damn allergy when one of us buys orange juice

_Peter Pettigrew:_ ur all shit mates

_Peter Pettigrew:_ imma start an orchard and I wont share ANY OF THE MONEY WITH U SHITDICKS

* * *

 

_James Potter_ to _peter misunderstands the concept of an orchard:_ love isnt real

_James Potter:_ nvm she replied

 

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin:_ but if i got fanmail would I sign it off ‘sirius black’ or just ‘sirius’

_Sirius Black:_ which is cooler

_Remus Lupin:_ id block u if i knew how

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _no grammar zone:_ james is ditching us for evans tonite whos still in

_Sirius Black:_ potter u fuckin traitor

_Remus Lupin:_ best mates since we were eleven and now ditching us for a GIRL

_James Potter:_ actually im ditching u for the girl

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _mention exams one more time lupin I swear:_ chem is a fucking accident

_James Potter:_ the 1 thing u have in common

_Sirius Black:_ shit that was nice bro fuck that was a good one

_James Potter:_ thanks bro

_Sirius Black:_ algd bro

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ my understanding of the james + lily relationship is that she verbally murders him every time hes an ass and he thanks her for it

_Peter Pettigrew:_ tru

_Peter Pettigrew:_ also a lot of staring while the other isnt looking

_Remus Lupin:_ if they dont get together soon im going to swallow a knife its painful to watch

 

* * *

 

_Sirius Black_ to _James Potter:_ not be political but i dont know why people keep bread in the fridge

_James Potter:_ that??? wasnt political

_Sirius Black:_ i know i told u it wouldnt be

_James Potter:_ shit u did

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _I'm GOING TO SHOVE MY HISTORY BOOK THROUGH MY ENITRE EYEBALL:_ lupin backwards is ‘nipul’ which sounds like nipple if u say it aloud

_James Potter:_ quality 3am chat

 

* * *

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _lupins netflix password is chocolate101:_ sirius how did u get my passwords

_Sirius Black:_ u were hacked

_Remus Lupin:_ yes. by you.

_Sirius Black:_ lets not get bogged down in the details

 

* * *

_James Potter_ to _where is our disney channel original movie:_ guess who fucking got top marks in english

_James Potter:_ THIS ASSHOLE

_Sirius Black:_ bc of lily ??

_James Potter:_ obsly bc of lily she is excellent and i was a mess before her

_Sirius Black:_ ur a mess now

_James Potter:_ tru but now im a mess who knows the best girl in the world so

 

* * *

 

 

_Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ james is with lily and peter is with his parents what do u want to do tonight

_Sirius Black:_ swim in the schools water tower

_Remus Lupin:_ im in meet in 20

_Sirius Black:_ we’ve corrupted u

_Remus Lupin:_ im aware

_Remus Lupin:_ i also don’t mind

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _exams are done and so are we:_ HM PRONGS I SAW U AND EVANS TODAY HUH LOOKIN V COSY HUH

_Remus Lupin:_ elaborate

_Peter Pettigrew:_ THEY WERE MAKING OUT IN MINNIES IN THE FAR BOOTH

_Sirius Black:_ thank fucking god was their tongue

_Peter Pettigrew:_ LOOKED LIKE IT

_James Potter:_ ur all psychotic

_Sirius Black:_ how dare u the amount of times u have mentioned her nice elbows this past month is criminal

_James Potter:_ they r super nice tho

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group _who fucking cares_   

 


	7. my sort of thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka long hs au again 
> 
> title: ok so ernest hemingway wrote this once: 'hes so damned nice and hes so awful. hes my sort of thing' and so inspo kind-of to him but also????? i dont like him so he cant have it. so thats that

_Remus Lupin_  to  _Sirius Black_ : turn down gasolina

_Sirius Black_ : ur literally miles away

_Remus Lupin_ : are you playing it

_Sirius Black:_  well yeah

_Remus Lupin_ : turn it down

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _Sirius Black:_  tell potter to stop trying to engage me with fruit based wordplay

_Sirius Black_ : he’ll be gutted

_Sirius Black:_  also how did u get this number

_Lily Evans_ : its written in the girls bathroom with TWAT over it

_Sirius Black:_  and u assumed it was me

_Lily Evans:_  well potter doesnt have an 021 number

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _gross gang_ : DISASTER ALERT

_Peter Pettigrew_ : the vending machine ate my dollar and didnt give me my crisps

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _gross gang_ : stop seening me

* * *

_James Potter_ to _crew (cuts should b our new Look™)_ : U LOT ARE NEVER GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THIS

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans_ : i cant believe u rear ended me

_Lily Evans_ : i said id cover the damage

_James Potter:_  will u get my personalized plate fixed

_Lily Evans:_  i’ll do u one better and buy u a new one

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_  so my ‘’’’personalized plate’’’’’ just arrived

_James Potter:_  it’s a bit of paper with ‘shitbitch’ on it

_Lily Evans:_  i also drew a border

* * *

_Sirius Black:_ to _if we renacted Lizzie McGuire (2001-2004) who would be lizzie:_ if there was a nuclear apocalypse i would save any dog over all of u

_Remus Lupin_ : what brought this on

_Sirius Black:_  just saw a dog and wanted 2 be clear  

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _James Potter:_  why is there a piece of paper with ‘shitbitch’ on it on ur car

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _James Potter_ : im in the assembly hall replacing all the trophies with vodka bottles

_James Potter_ : no ur not

_James Potter:_  cause im in the assembly hall replacing the curtains with glad wrap

_Sirius Black:_ nah im in dumstrams assembly hall

_James Potter:_  we dont go to dumstram

_Sirius Black:_  whats ur point

* * *

_James Potter to Lily Evans:_  remember last night when u asked me what my favourite kitchen utensil was

_Lily Evans_ : no

_James Potter_ : it was after beer pong but before you dumped a bag of flour on my head and called me a snowman

_Lily Evans:_  still no

_James Potter:_  well anyway ive had a thought and decided its the can opener

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew to sirius you are neither cool nor a drug dealer:_  the assemblies projector is impossible to hack

_Remus Lupin:_ don’t say hack when ur just swapping the DVDs

_Peter Pettigrew:_  u never let me b cool

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans_ : can i borrow ur chem hmw

_James Potter_ : by borrow i mean copy

_Lily Evans:_  i didnt do it i was gunna ask u

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _Remus Lupin:_  hey remus

_Remus Lupin_ : i didnt do the chem homework either

_Lily Evans:_  bye remus

* * *

_James Potter_ to _can giraffes get ripped:_  if evans asks I dont know who coldplay is

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _Lily Evans:_  potter loves coldplay and went to their concert in 2011

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _Lily Evans:_ james’ favourite coldplay song is charlie brown

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to _Lily Evans:_  if u play ‘fix you’ once james has had one (1) beer he will tear up and pretend its hay fever  

* * *

J _ames Potter_ to _can giraffes get ripped:_  no one here has any fucking loyalty

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _it should be pengu not pingu:_ sirius u ate all the humus and now mums pissed

_Sirius Black:_ did u tell liz it was me

_Sirius Black:_  say it was lupin

_Remus Lupin:_  do not

_Sirius Black_ changed the group name to  _(do it pete) get fucked remus_

* * *

_Unknown_ to _James Potter:_  i think we need to get our stories straight

_James Potter:_  who is this ??

_Unknown:_  lily obvsly

_Unknown:_ im using a burner in case the police hack my phone

_James Potter:_  christ

_James Potter_ : we spilt water on one library book

_Unknown:_  so long dickweed im going underground

_James Potter:_  does this mean ur missing bake off

_Unknown:_  no obvsly ill go after bake off im not an animal

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Sirius Black:_  would u marry me to stop me from getting deported

_Sirius Black:_  obviously

_Sirius Black:_  why

_James Potter:_  just checking

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _Lily Evans_ : u want me and james 2 punch avery 4 the calling u poor thing

_Lily Evans_ : no

_Lily Evans:_  do not do that

_Sirius Black_ : wish youd sent this earlier

_Lily Evans_ : i replied literally a minute after u sent this

_Lily Evans_ : sirius what have u done

* * *

_Lily Evans to James Potter_ : i dont need you lot punching people for me its really not on

_James Potter:_  technically i was keying avery’s car so didn’t punch anyone

_James Potter:_  however sirius did

_James Potter:_  also remus

_James Potter:_ peter was in the bathroom

_James Potter:_  also u coating mulciber’s locker with rotten banana after he ripped remus’ bag last week was ‘really not on’ either but you still did it

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin:_  u look awful did u sleep last night

_Sirius Black:_  go home

_Remus Lupin:_  i cant miss bio

_Sirius Black:_  ill go for u

_Remus Lupin:_  u dont take bio

_Sirius Black_ : irrelevant

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans_ : if i didn’t know better id say u were getting detentions just to see me

_Lily Evans:_  good thing u know better then

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _Sirius Black:_  am currently covered in greek yoghurt & hiding in slughorns toilet

_Sirius Black:_  hot

_Lily Evans:_  that was meant for james

_Lily Evans:_  also whats wrong with you  

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter_ : U DRAGGED ME TO THIS FUCKING MOVIE AND UR FUCKING LATE

_Lily Evans_ : UNBELIEVABLE

_Lily Evans:_  IM SITTING IN THE CINEMA ALONE

_Lily Evans:_  oh

_Lily Evans:_  ok Slight Problem i am in the Wrong Cinema

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to _Peter Pettigrew_ : tell sirius his bag is open

_Peter Pettigrew:_  why don’t u tell him

_Remus Lupin:_  im not speaking to him bc he said james glasses’ made me look like a wombat

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _peter doesnt eat the carrot skin and Its Weak:_  just saw evans eating a lemonade ice block

_Sirius Black:_  theyre famously bland u have to drop her james

_James Potter_ : fat chance

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_  if/when we’re on a panel show our team name will be pottered plants

_Lily Evans:_  dont u dare seen this ive never been funnier

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _loser lane:_ good morning friends

_Sirius Black_ : get fucked peter

_Peter Pettigrew_ : i SAID SORRY i didn’t know it was ur bagel  

_Sirius Black:_  lupin tell peter that i am not speaking to him

_Remus Lupin_ : peter, sirius says he wants to blow you

_Peter Pettigrew:_  i decline

_Sirius Black:_  u fucking what

_Sirius Black:_  it would be THE HONOUR OF YOUR LIFE to get blown by me u fucking heathen

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_  sirius just said i look pretty and didnt ask to borrow gas money after

_James Potter:_  unheard of

_James Potter:_  you do look pretty tonight

_Lily Evans:_  cheers

_Lily Evans:_  youve never said that to me before are you sneaking wine behind slughorns back

_James Potter:_  no

_James Potter_ (yes)

_James Potter:_  if i said u looked pretty every time you did id never say anything else

* * *

_Sirius Black:_ to _hmu bitch_ : who took my FUCKING LAVA LAMP

_James Potter:_  u don’t even use it

_Sirius Black:_  give it back judas

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_  i hate everyone here

_Lily Evans:_  dont let sirius hear u say that

_James Potter:_  hes making out with mcdonald he cant hear anything

_James Potter:_  if you were here this would be bearable

_Lily Evans_ : nah id just drink ur beer and be annoying

_James Potter:_  true

_James Potter_ : still want you here like mad

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _Remus Lupin_ : can u die from eating to much pasta

_Remus Lupin_ : why would i know this

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _Lily Evans:_  heard ur dying

_Sirius Black_ : can i have ur nice waterbottle

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter_ : come over please

_James Potter:_  you alright?

_James Potter:_  you never say please when you ask me round

_Lily Evans:_  everything has gone a little bit horrible and petunia has left and i have broken a plate

_Lily Evans:_  please come and do that thing you do where everything isnt as bad when youre here

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Peter Pettigrew:_ when im in india can u feed the fish

_Peter Pettigrew:_  ?? u don’t have fish

_James Potter:_  yes we do theyre in the pond

_Peter Pettigrew:_  sirius has pushed me into that pond 17 times ive never seen any fish

_James Potter_ : hold on

_James Potter:_ ur never going to believe this my mum has been playing this fish joke on me for seven fucking years im

_James Potter:_ WHY WOULD ANYONE JOKE ABT SOMETHING LIKE THIS

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter_ : christ i miss u

_Lily Evans:_  didnt realise how serious that would sound over text

_Lily Evans:_  its just its only been four days since u left but i have 983293 things to tell u and ur not here

_Lily Evans:_  anyway

_Lily Evans:_  i feel like an idiot goodnight

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lupin more like LupLAME:_  I HAVE RETURNED  

_Sirius Black_ : did u bring gifts

_James Potter:_ no

_Sirius Black:_  go back

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _Remus Lupin_ : not 2 b dramatic but anything james can do i can do better

_Lily Evans:_  including eating the most grapes in 2 minutes which i have just proven

_Remus Lupin:_  are you two ever just normal

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ changed the group name to  _uncultured shits_

_James Potter_ : we’re not uncultured just cause we dont like crackers

_Sirius Black:_ i love crackers but only with caviar

_Remus Lupin:_  dont align yourself with me

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_  thanks for the oranges

_James Potter:_  also why the oranges

_Lily Evans:_  because you like them and our neighbors tree is low hanging  

_James Potter:_  oh

_James Potter:_  shit im glad i know you

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _Sirius Black:_  james just fell in the parking lot and set off a car alarm

_Sirius Black:_  typical

_Sirius Black_ : i cant believe you want to fuck this guy

_Lily Evans:_ yeah

_Lily Evans:_ WAIT

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_  so u know today when james nearly died trying to jump off the assembly balcony to win a fiver

_Sirius Black:_  i think i do recall

_Remus Lupin:_  remember when he was on the ground and everyone was yelling and you asked me what the number for 000 was

_Sirius Black:_  i was STRESSED

_Remus Lupin:_  this isnt about you do you know what lily said to peter abt james

_Remus Lupin:_  peter was bein all dramatic and said ‘hes dying’

_Remus Lupin:_  and lily said ‘dont be ridiculous he would never do that to me’

_Sirius Black:_  when are they going to fuck

_Remus Lupin:_  yeah i thought it was rather romantic myself

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_  at the risk of sounding like a tit im rlly tired of not kissing you

_Lily Evans_ : as in i would really very much like to kiss you now and often

_Lily Evans:_  its so late and i like you so much

_Lily Evans:_ you always know how to make me laugh

_James Potter:_  open your window

_Lily Evans:_ its three in the morning

_James Potter:_  if i keep running these red lights like i am i should be outside urs in 3 minutes 

_Lily Evans:_  oh thank god

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _if birds get the flu can they still call it bird flu_ _??_ : james has changed his profile pic from The Boys™ to one of him and lil

_James Potter:_  why are you talking abt me like im not in this chat

_Sirius Black:_  lupin, tell potter im not speaking to him

_Remus Lupin:_  james, sirius says he wants to blow you

_James Potter:_  id rather he didnt

_Sirius Black:_  WHY DOES NO ONE WANT ME TO BLOW THEM WHEN WILL I FIND REAL MATES


	8. open heart, open container

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka wedding au 
> 
> title: scott street by phobe bridgers

_James Potter_ to  _Sirius Black:_ you are uninvited from my wedding. mail back your invitation

_Sirius Black:_ i cant afford to use the post

_Sirius Black:_ also why

_James Potter:_ just seen the shit u left in the sink last night

_Sirius Black:_ take some responsibility u also thought we could skull vodka through a watermelon

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _groomsmen + james who isn’t:_ this chat name feels weirdly like a call out

_Remus Lupin:_ its cause we have another chat called groomsmen that ur not in

_James Potter:_ wow rlly what goes on in there

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to  _groomsmen without james whose not:_ do we have to bring a plate

_Sirius Black:_ what

_Remus Lupin:_ are you asking if we have to bring a plate of food to james’ literal wedding

_Peter Pettigrew:_ is that a no

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ for a lol im putting an eel on the gift registry

_James Potter:_ specify electric

_Lily Evans:_ ur right we dont want to cause confusion

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _Sirius Black:_ why is the vacuum out whats happened

_Sirius Black:_ i vacuumed

_Remus Lupin:_ don’t be stupid

_Sirius Black:_ okay i vacuumed and then tipped the vacuum bag into the neighbours to get them back for the noise complaint

_Remus Lupin:_ dont lie

_Sirius Black:_ alright I didnt vacumn first

_Remus Lupin:_ knew it

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ what about instead of me taking ur name we swap names

_Lily Evans:_ like u legally become lily evans and i legally become james potter

_Lily Evans:_ im literally sitting next to u I KNOW ur getting these u bitch

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _Lily Evans:_ its about a cheese toaste i know u know

_Sirius Black:_ okay that was for james

_Sirius Black:_ can u read it to him

_Lily Evans:_ he says that ur forgetting about the economy

_Lily Evans:_ what is happening

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _Sirius Black:_ lily tells me ur going to be the stripper at her hen party  

_Sirius Black:_ news to me

_Sirius Black:_ though obvsly I’ll do it

_Sirius Black:_ ive already got those tearaway pants  

_Remus Lupin:_ was quite literally joking but now this feels like a plan

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _remus’ toothache is toothfake this has been a rap:_ rehearsal dinner starts at seven and the place charges by the hour so if ur late lil will skin u  

_Sirius Black:_ what if lily herself is late

_James Potter:_ she says if that happens then time is wrong

_Sirius Black:_  the whole concept of time??

_James Potter:_ apparently so  

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lily Evans:_ does us getting married mean i have to divorce sirius on fb

_Lily Evans:_ obvsly not aren’t you guys coming up on ur ten year anniversary  

_James Potter:_ indeed we are

_James Potter:_ also i love u like mad have i mentioned that

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _Lily Evans_  can you tell peter honeymoon is spelt hoonymoon when he calls in a minute its important

_Lily Evans:_ yeah sure

_James Potter_ to  _Sirius Black:_ youve outdone urself

_James Potter:_ lilys pissing herself its alive and everything

_Sirius Black:_ im glad bc im def on at least 14 different watchlists now

_Sirius Black:_ are u aware how hard it is to rent an electric eel legally

_James Potter:_ im assuming difficult

_Sirius Black:_ its actually impossible ive rented it illegally so im expecting u to post my bail when MI6 turns up

_James Potter:_ seems fair  

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _u cant request songs during the ceremony:_ lilys mum is outside in a shocking hat no one comment on it

_Sirius Black:_ ur too late moons

_Peter Pettigrew:_ i really did think it was a pigeon i didnt mean to offend her!!!!!

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lily Evans:_ want to get burger king rn

_Lily Evans:_ gimme ten minutes to get married first and then im there

_James Potter:_ brilliant

_Lily Evans:_ unrelated but im really glad i get to marry you

_James Potter:_ christ so am i

_James Potter:_ prepare to b ravished in the burger king loos  

_Lily Evans:_  god u know how to woo me

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _Remus Lupin:_ does this pretcher not look just like justin timberlake

_Remus Lupin:_ stop texting during the ceremony  

_Sirius Black:_ james agrees hes fuckin humming sexyback under his breath

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _James Potter:_ just looked at snapmaps are you and lil rlly at burger king during ur literal wedding reception

_James Potter:_ yeah you want anything

_Remus Lupin:_ coke small fries


	9. call if you care for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka fire au 
> 
> title: ok i swear its like inspired by some foster the people lyric but i literally wrote the first four interactions of this fic and then let it rot away in my laptop until weirdly banging it out in two weeks quite literally a year and a half later so i. cant remember. but anyway listen to sit next to me by foster the people

_Sirius Black_ to  _goobers:_ the one day i actually come and school burns down

_Remus Lupin:_ what classes were you in

_James Potter:_ i was in english you Were Not

_Peter Pettigrew:_ or history

_Remus Lupin:_ it doesnt count as attending school if u just lie behind the science block till lunch  

_Sirius Black:_ youre all ruining this fire for me  

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lily Evans:_ give back my chocolate shake

_Lily Evans:_ i dont have it

_James Potter:_ i can see u fuckin drinkin it we’re in the same maccas

_Lily Evans:_ everyones saying you did it

_James Potter:_ pardon

_Lily Evans:_ set the fire

_James Potter:_ come off it

_James Potter:_ whose saying that

_Lily Evans:_ everyone

_James Potter:_ ah yes my great mate ‘everyone’

_Lily Evans:_ mary, elliot from science, louise marcot, guy from math whose name i dont know but went to ball with ruby garland, sam roberts, and sushi danny have all told me it was you

_James Potter:_ wow that does seem like everyone

_James Potter:_ now im wondering whether i did do it

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _James Potter:_ had a dream i died in a freak pharmaceutical accident last night

_James Potter:_ what is a freak pharmaceutical accident

_Sirius Black:_ i was drunk in a pharmacy and put all their throat lozenges up my nose 

* * *

_Marlene McKinnion_ to  _Lily Evans:_ schools on the news

_Marlene McKinnon:_ why tf are they interviewing black and calling him a ‘student’

_Marlene McKinnon:_ dont u need to attend school for at least 3 out of 5 weekdays to earn that title

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _Sirius Black:_ saw u on the news

_Lily Evans:_ ur tie was inside out if thats even possible

_Sirius Black:_ all part of My Look which i have now publicised on national telly so eat ass

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lily Evans:_ wow is this what happens when u go in the sun what a tan u have

_James Potter:_ and by tan i obvsly mean you look like an overcooked frankfurter

_James Potter:_ clearly u need to be marinating in sunblock like a chicken

_James Potter:_ GOD these similes……… no wonder I won the english prize over you last year

_Lily Evans:_ what a shame ur going to be murdered before you can win it again

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _Marlene McKinnon:_ just checking ur the one called lesbo archilles in the kahoot

_Marlene McKinnon:_ ya

_Marlene McKinnon:_ why

_Remus Lupin:_ wanted to know who was beating me

_Marlene McKinnon:_ up ur classics knowledge lupin  

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to  _only smexy activity permitted:_ holy dick mum got an email the police think the fire was arson  

_Sirius Black:_ confess now james

_James Potter:_ fuck you

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to  _James Potter:_ have u seen beyonce

_Peter Pettigrew:_ i meant beyonce

_Peter Pettigrew:_ why does it keep saying beyonce

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Sirius Black:_ nice work autocorrecting ur name in petes phone to beyonce

_James Potter:_ however ur less destinys child and more destinys bastard son

_Sirius Black:_ im making that my tinder bio

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ you know what i think ur socks need 2 pulled higher

_Lily Evans:_ fuck the haters pull those things tits high

_James Potter:_ ur late to this sirius already asked me if i knew i was being eaten alive from the foot upwards

_James Potter:_ theyre literally pulled only just above my ankle i hate everyone i know

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _James Potter:_ have u seen this

_Remus Lupin:_ sent a facebook link to  _jomes potter (general dickhead) deserves medal for burning down school_

_James Potter:_ this is getting out of control I DIDNT DO IT

_James Potter:_ this page has 137 likes and theyve spelt my name wrong i wish i was dead

_James Potter:_ ok why are you and sirius admins

* * *

_Marlene McKinnon_ to  _Lily Evans:_ they know how the fire started

_Marlene McKinnon:_ or mum knows cause shes sleeping with that police guy

_Marlene McKinnon:_ lit cigarette by the languages block between 11-11:15

_Lily Evans:_ fucking pardon

_Lily Evans:_ are you sure

_Marlene McKinnon:_ course i bloody am

_Marlene McKinnon:_ whats the problem

* * *

_Lily Evans:_ james

_Lily Evans:_ not to be drama but i think i fucking burnt down the school

_Lily Evans:_ literally call me asap

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Remus Lupin:_ hypothetically in a hypothetical situation if someone was hypothetically smoking in the languages block and threw it on the ground at the exact hypothetical time a fire had hypothetically started what would one hypothetically do

_James Potter:_ hypothetically

_Remus Lupin:_ jfc what have u done

_James Potter:_ genuinely not me this time come to lils pls

* * *

_Sirius Black_ created the group  _save lily from arrest_

_Sirius Black_ added  _James Potter, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin_

_Lily Evans:_ sirius this isn’t funny i could’ve really hurt someone

_Sirius Black:_ senorita blanco failed me in fourth year spanish so you could say it was karma

_Sirius Black:_ also relax evans ur not guy fawkes u only maimed several expensive smartboards  

_Remus Lupin:_ guy fawkes was famously unsuccessful ur reference is shite

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group  _blow me lupin_

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _Sirius Black:_ james has it so bad its embarrassing hes followed all her playlists on spotify

_Sirius Black:_ hes making his bed cause shes coming over who is he

_Sirius Black:_ like evans makes her damn bed

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to  _James Potter:_ marnie attkins just told me theres £120 on when youll confess u set the fire  

_Peter Pettigrew:_ can u tell me when ur planning 2 so i can win i promise to split it  

_James Potter:_ pete are you kidding me

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _Lily Evans:_ stop looking at the languages block and being a sad sack  

_Lily Evans:_ you mean where the block used to be before i burnt it down

_Lily Evans:_ where are you anyway i cant see you

_Sirius Black:_ on the roof of the bio building i have a deck chair here

_Sirius Black:_ also dont be drama youre not a bad person

_Sirius Black:_ you hurt no one and cant change what happened by blaming urself

_Sirius Black:_ now come 2 the science block and bring those twix in ur bag

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lily Evans:_ nice tights

_Lily Evans:_ i think you mean nice legs

_James Potter:_ that too

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _reese witherhoon:_ we are go

_Remus Lupin:_ godspeed boys

_Peter Pettigrew:_ wait i left my wallpaper glue in the loos we’re not go

_Sirius Black:_ im keeping one of these fake moustaches i look manly

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _blow me lupin:_ sirius can i have the crisps in ur bag

_Sirius Black:_ no

_Remus Lupin:_ lily said to tell you shes lost her phone and cant see ur response so has started eating the crisps

_Sirius Black:_ die evans

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Sirius Black_ : yeah every time i said I was over lil was a bold faced lie why is she the funniest prettiest best girl alive

_Sirius Black:_ ur pathetic

_Sirius Black:_ whats brought this honestly on

_James Potter:_ she was laughing and i wanted 2 kiss her so bad i gave myself a headache

_Sirius Black:_ i said you were pathetic 2 soon i shouldve said it here

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ i know u don’t think i shouldnt but im going to say it was me

_Lily Evans:_ i mean i know mum cant afford the damage but im sure minnie would help me figure smth out where i could pay it back like over time i mean im just

_Lily Evans:_ it was stupid smokings stupid and i miss it but im never fucking doing it again

_Lily Evans:_  i did a bad thinhg

_Lily Evans:_ i hate wine and its late and im masd u didnt come to this party i want u here

_James Potter:_ dont say anything to anyone im going to ring you

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _Marlene McKinnon:_ did you take my deck chair from the bio building roof

_Marlene McKinnon:_ who is this

_Sirius Black:_ come of it mckinnon i know u have my number

_Sirius Black:_ i want my chair back

_Marlene McKinnon:_ sorry was always taught not 2 talk to strangers

* * *

_Mum_ to  _James Potter:_ school called and wants to interview you about the fire

_James Potter:_ brilliant

_Mum:_  bring milk home

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _Peter Pettigrew:_ are you with sirius

_Peter Pettigrew:_ yeah

_Remus Lupin:_ tell him i took his lunch and he wont get it back till he gives me my calculus homework

_Peter Pettigrew:_ sirius says he has ur wallet and is now buying himself lunch

_Peter Pettigrew:_ he said to ask if you wanted anything

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _blow me lupin:_ so when is minnie taking u to jail james

_James Potter:_ imminently  

_Remus Luping:_ can we pls change the group name my mum saw these alerts

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group  _fuck me lupin_

_James Potter_ renamed the group  _raw me behind the nice thai place lupin_

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group  _lupin rim me in ur mums home office_

_Remus Lupin:_ too fucking far leave mums home office out of this

_Lily Evans:_ whats this abt james going to jail

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ cant believe you didnt tell me about mcgonagall interviewing you

_James Potter:_ dw the police think its me lol

_James Potter:_ i guess everyones been sharing their theories and that that fb page now has over 200 likes

_James Potter:_ they dont have anything on me though so ur still good  

_Lily Evans:_ they seriously consider you a suspect

_Lily Evans:_ thats a big fucking deal james what the fuck  

_James Potter:_ lily its fine

_James Potter:_ lily

_James Potter:_ jesus dont do anything stupid

_James Potter:_ lily pickup

* * *

_Peter Pettigrew_ to  _brats (not the dolls we’re barbie loyalists):_ omg guys lily just confessed she set the fire who knew!!!!!

_Peter Pettigrew:_ guys

* * *

_Marlene McKinnon_ to  _Lily Evans:_ baller of u to burn down the school and not tell me

_Marlene McKinnon:_ is it cause im gay

_Marlene McKinnon:_ homophobe

_Marlene McKinnon:_ but seriously if you don’t call me in 24 hours im just gunna turn up to your house

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _Lily Evans:_ fucking hell evans

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _Lily Evans_ : dont talk to the police without a lawyer

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lily Evans:_ lily please call me

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _rim me in ur mums home office lupin:_ im suspended for two weeks and have to pay off half the damage but not getting charged or expelled

_Sirius Black:_ stunning job on not getting expelled or going to jail

_Sirius Black:_ and a two week holiday!!! im going to burn down the english block

_Lily Evans:_ black ur an ass

_Lily Evans:_ also

_Lily Evans_ added  _Marlene McKinnon_ to the chat

_Remus Lupin:_ congrats lil glad 2 have u still with us

_Marlene McKinnon:_ lupin what the hell is happening in ur mums home office

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ before you go getting all drama i didnt come forward because of you

_Lily Evans:_ i did a bad thing and when you do bad shit ur not supposed to own up and say so

_Lily Evans:_ i was being the kind of thing i hate and was sick of it

_Lily Evans:_ but in the interest of honestly thinking about you in serious trouble makes me sick

_James Potter:_ i understand

_James Potter:_ i kinda always thought you would tell youre kind of like that

_Lily Evans:_ like what

_James Potter:_ good all the way through

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _James Potter:_ love of ur life is pretty fucking ethical

_James Potter:_ i know shes the best

_Sirius Black:_ wait till i tell her abt that time u took that magazine from the doctors office

_James Potter:_ we were literally seven how do u remember that  

_Sirius Black:_ crimes are immortal 

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _suck me off at the old quarry lupin:_ in lilys memory we should hold a bonfire vigil

_Lily Evans:_ sirius im suspended not dead

_Marlene_   _McKinnon:_ rip evans (some fucking year – now)

_Lily Evans:_ u rlly couldnt figure out the year i was born mar

_Remus Lupin:_ gone but never forgotten

_Remus Lupin:_ also stop it with these group names

_Sirius Black_ renamed the group  _lupin pull me off at the gas station by the crisps_

_James Potter_ renamed the group  _lupin take me from behind in the girls loos at noon_

_Remus Lupin:_ hell has nothing on this

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ am very bored and out of oreos

_Lily Evans:_ ive been considering dying my hair black just for smth to do

_James Potter:_ youd look shit with black hair

_Lily Evans:_ youd know

_Lily Evans:_ HA set you up for that id never dye my hair. u fool

_James Potter:_ so rlly what youve been doing all day is thinking of that bit

_Lily Evans:_ not just that i also finished the oreos

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _Remus Lupin:_ are you asleep

_Remus Lupin:_ its 4am so you know im not

_Sirius Black:_ i have potters keys wanna get maccas

_Remus Lupin:_ ill meet you outside

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lily Evans:_  school is shite without you im coming round

_Lily Evans:_ its 11am

_Lily Evans:_ park down the street i have nosy neigbours

* * *

_Remus Lupin_ to  _lupin bum me at nasa:_ for my birthday i want no one to throw up in my shoes

_James Potter:_ it was fucking ONCE

_James Potter:_ im hosting the damn party i wont b ridiculed like this

_Sirius Black_  renamed the group  _lupin jerk me off while wearing james’ vomit shoes_

_Sirius Black:_ two birds one stone

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ have fun tonight tell remus his gift is late but coming

_James Potter:_ we’ll miss you

_Lily Evans:_ nah youll b fine

_James Potter:_ i wont be

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _Remus Lupin:_ 2 protect ur shoes i put them inside the upstairs loo no need to thank me

* * *

_James Potter_ to  _Lily Evans:_ i know its late and ur going to think im drunk but ive only had one beer

_James Potter:_ im interested in you

_James Potter:_ so interested

_James Potter:_ romantically

_James Potter:_ earlier sirius struck out with some random girl marlene is now making out with and all i want is you here to laugh with us abt it

_James Potter:_ cause youd say smth funny and good that would make everyone laugh

_James Potter:_ also youre so pretty i couldn’t figure out how to work that in there but you are

_James Potter:_ sorry if this makes you uncomfortable and fucks everything i just had to say

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to  _James Potter:_ when you wake up you should probably come round

_James Potter:_ im awake now

_Lily Evans:_ wow an early one

_Lily Evans:_ how was last night

_James Potter:_ well four glasses are broken and peter slept on the dishwasher so standard but i also said how i feel about you to you so incredibly not standard

_Lily Evans:_ yeah about that

_Lily Evans:_ how do you feel about me now your single beer has worn off and the nights over

_James Potter:_ the same

_Lily Evans:_ well you should def come round then

_Lily Evans:_ quite hard 2 kiss u dramatically if ur not here

_James Potter:_ i know ur againist breaking the law and all but you cant say smth like that and expect me not to speed

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to  _when will someone offer to eat LUPINS OWN ASS at the museum receptionist holiday party c’mon guys he has needs:_ turns out lily was lighting fires in james heart all along

_Lily Evans:_ jfc

_Remus Lupin:_ i mean what is the correct responce to that

_Marlene McKinnon:_ removing him from the chat


End file.
